Disappointed.

I am so disappointed, guys. I know you don’t normally hear me like this, and really, I am normally not like this, but right now I feel like the air has just left the balloon, so to speak.

There has been this great build-up. I have been so focused. It has been so exciting. I have really been looking forward to running a full marathon in Tel Aviv. I have been training for it for four full months. It has been hard at times, but I have kept my eyes on the goal, and kept going.

On one of my many, many training runs.

Then, almost two weeks ago there was the Jerusalem Marathon. I participated in the 10K race with my 9 year old son, and my husband impressed us all with an amazing time at his first full marathon. Ever since then I have felt the butterflies in my stomach, – my own first marathon is coming up…! I have been counting days, – and hours! Really, I have!

I have been limiting my sugar, caffein and alcohol to a minimum for the last week or so. Everything for the upcoming marathon. I have dreamt about pacing strategies, and that is no exaggeration. How fast should I start, what finishing time can I realistically aim for, – all those thoughts were constantly spinning around in my head.

On our way to pick up my shirt and number and everything, was the first time I heard about the temperatures expected for race day. 35 degrees Celsius! That is like the heat of summer, hot Israeli summer. Oh, well, I decided to keep a good attitude and just plan on wearing sun screen, a wide brimmed hat and drink lots and lots of water.

Then today, a couple of hours ago, – I hear my marathon is cancelled. Well, they have all kinds of options, but basically that is what it is, cancelled. And let me remind you, – I have trained for this for four whole months!!!

On another training run.

And now I have the option of running a half marathon, which is what I did last year in Jerusalem. But that is not what I trained for, – I was totally wired for a full marathon now… The other option is to run my 42.2 next Friday, but then as in circles in a park, and of course without the whole arrangement of the other races etc. etc. And this is the weekend we were planning on being in Tel Aviv, not next week, a few days before Pesach! We even have a nice hotel room for Shabbat this weekend, a really nice birthday gift from my in-laws. We were going to be there to celebrate that I had done my first full marathon, – what, now we will be there a week before my marathon?!? Or after just having done another half marathon?

And my bumper sticker! My 42.2 marathon club bumper sticker! I was so excited to find that in my bag of goodies when picking up my shirt and number, so looking forward to stick it on the back of our car after finishing the race!! Ahhhhh!!!!

A bummer! Such a bummer!

Sorry for taking it all out on you guys! But I just have to get it out. Ah… I am sooo disappointed!

Of course they have a very good reason for canceling the 42.2 this Friday, it was the ministry of health that did not recommend keeping it. And of course none of us want to risk our health. Would have been a memorable race, huh? The one were hundreds fainted and had to be brought to the emergency room… No, they probably did the right thing in canceling it. That is what I try to tell myself right now anyway.

On yet another training run…

And I, – I have to use this as a good learning situation. Learn to handle disappointment. Learn to cope with things not turning out the way I expected it to, or wanted it to. And then to do the right thing in the midst of it.

In Hebrew, or I guess in Jewish tradition, we have this saying – hakol le tova, – meaning, everything is for good, it all serves a purpose, kind of. And that is what I am telling myself now. Even though I do not understand why this came about the way it did, it must be for the good, for something good, somehow.

Our lives, our days, our plans, everything is in God’s Hands. He has the full control, and we just have to trust Him. Somehow that makes it easier for me to cope with situations where I feel like I have no control, – and I guess, I sort of wish I would have had just a little bit of control. Well, at least I know the one who holds it all in His Hands, – and I know He wants only the best for us, always.